Mistakes, Correcting them, Moving on…

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When I first left for college, I thought things would be great. Then I moved in with my first roommate who scared and intimidated me beyond belief. We rarely had a working relationship, even when it came to bills. By the end of the first semester, she had found a new roommate, had me transfer all the bills into my name, and left. What I didn’t know is that nothing had been paid. And as my parents had just been foreclosed on, I had no where to turn. Such started my bad credit streak.

This was a hard time in my life, and because I was unable to keep stable employment, or even stay stable enough for classes. By the end of my first year, I was homeless, on academic probation, and hopelessly falling into extreme anxiety. By the end of my second year, I had had several trips to ERs and Psych wards from dissociations and my actions during them. This is not something I normally share, but I think there’s important things to learn from my experiences.

Having married a wonderful man, who also had a period of bad financial times, we are now working tirelessly, on one income, to try to correct our mistakes. It’s difficult to do, or should I say impossible to do. I’ve finally decided my husband is right, the debt is too great for our meager income. And with no possible break, we are going to do something I’ve dreaded. In the end, our credit will be no better, but we will have much more plausible chance to rebuild from here and actually find a place of our own.

But what lessons have I learned?

1. I cannot do things by myself. I have to rely on support, both mentally and physically. What lead me to such a dark place before is that I didn’t have a good support structure around me.

2. I need to always realize it’s okay to ask for help. If I had done this sooner when I was younger, I probably could have gotten a lot more help. I waited, and I don’t want anyone else to wait if they feel they can’t do something. In some cases, it could truly mean life or death.

3. I have to accept what has happened. If I cannot accept the choices (and nonchoices) I have made, then I cannot move forward. I have been able to do this with some things, but not so much with others. I am working on it though.

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