Fitting in and Maintaining

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This post is being written via phone. Please excuse any errors or auto corrects. I will do my best to keep them to a minimum.

When my baby girl was born, I promised myself I’d do more with her. I’d do the playgroups and playdates and go to storytime. I’d be one of those moms. Which we all know is rather draining. On top of that, the boys still need attention and support and an “advocate.” This is obviously the reason I’ve not posted much, or is it?

Well, it’s part of the reason. Another big portion is that I’ve always struggled to maintain relationships. My marriage and like 1 friendship are the only relationships I’ve maintained long term. No big surprise considering it’s an example in one diagnostic criteria.

But I’ve been feeling it more lately. As I try to do more, more relationships are not maintained. I have an online group I adored during my pregnancy, but more and more, I feel distant from it. Maybe, I tell myself I don’t really fit in. But probably, I’m just stretching myself too thin and have a lot of wasted energy trying to maintain the few friendships that mean more to me. Two other moms in particular  (one of which I’m sure will read this) I’m making a concerted effort to maintain because I feel at home with them.

And of the new groups of women I’m trying to fit into? I think I’m getting there. There’s a higher level of comfort with some people. But I know soon, ie, the next year or two, those relationships will end. Such is the ever evolving journey through parenthood.

But what can I do to make the most of now without stretching myself too thin? Should I sacrifice all but the most important friendships and groups? And how much am I trying to force myself to stay a part of others to convince myself I fit in? And not for the enjoyment and relationships?

These are the hard questions I’ve been trying to answer. And failing miserably at. I’m sure the answer will eventually come to me.

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