ASDay: 1 Year Later

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There is something to be said about inspiring, upbeat blogging. It creates a sense of worth in all who read it. Last year, what I wrote, I felt was inspiring and upbeat looking at all the representations of this thing we call Autism.

What I have lived in the year since then has shown me something new. Resilience.

After a car accident that’s left me crawled up in bed for days… after a move into an apartment… after failed attempts to keep my boys in ‘their’ school… after joining the employed ranks at ASAN… I have continued to drive forward.

For those that know me, it’s pretty plain to see that I’m completely overwhelmed, overworked and over-extended. To those who just take a glance, I appear together, thriving and tenacious. The truth is, I’m both. I must be both. I have a drive and need to be the together, thriving tenacious person, but it will always leave me overwhelmed, overworked and over-extended.

Those who see me as the together don’t question what I’m doing it all for. Those who see me over-extended don’t question what I’m doing it all for. There is a future for us all, but only if people DO over-extend themselves. My therapist says it’s because I’m a Type-A personality, that I have unrealistic expectations of myself. And she is completely correct.

But I ask those who do doubt why someone like me, who really cannot “handle it” all, who needs to take 30 minutes of break time for every 10 minutes of work, would continue to persevere. Why would I have these unrealistic expectations for myself and for humanity as a whole? Because if I don’t, I’m bound to sell myself short. And you would be bound to sell me short. And then my children would be bound to a life of never dreaming and never rising above.

I do it for me, those like me and for those who will come after. Because if I won’t do it, who will? The person that can handle it? That only teaches the disabled and Autistics that they can never or will rise above.

This past year, I have seen many struggles… But I have also seen that I can get through them, with a lot of support… with a lot of effort… and some very high, unreachable expectations.

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