This is an emotional subject for me. I don’t typically like to think about it as it hurts. In my nearly 28 yrs living, or the 10 years since graduating from high school. I have gone to a community college, a university, and worked a total of 4 jobs. The community college I was at for 3 semesters. The university, 5 semesters, which ended in me dropping out because my anxiety issues became too great. 3 of the 4 jobs lasted no longer than 3 months. Not from my lack of trying, but because the anxiety I experienced from them finally crashed down on me.

After I had my 6 yr old, I finally decided to stop trying to work, so I could devote my time and energy to him. I know it might sound cruel to the outside person, but I’m thankful for their Autism. I have been able to stay at home with them and really nurture them without anyone batting an eye, even as they became school age. I think this is one of the biggest reasons everyone compliments us that we have such happy kids.

This next school year, they will both be at school full time. While other stay at home moms talk about going back to work, finishing their degrees, or some even furthering education, I have felt this weight about the fact that I can’t really do any of these. I’ve spoken about going back to college, but with some recent increases in stress, I’ve realized I can’t handle that. The same can be said about rejoining the work force. That’s without looking at the fact I have no real work experience.

I’m very happy with the progress I have made with regards to this website, the new ASAN chapter I’ve started, and in general promoting the Neurodiversity message. In the coming months, I’ll be unveiling other work that I am doing within the ASAN organization. I work hard at all of this and somehow, I can handle it. One friend of mine suggests it’s because I have passion for it and it’s all telecommuting.

To put it simply, when I need a break, I can take one. I need breaks much more often than the normal person. I’m lucky to have a very understanding husband. He reminds me that people without my issues can’t hold jobs. That I’m still contributing to our household even if it’s not financially. I’m grateful for this. It still leaves me wishing that I could find a real job that could be as understanding.

Until about 18 months ago,  I never cooked.  My repertoire consisted of breakfast foods & I was lovingly dubbed “The Frozen Food Queen” by my family.  I could bake up a storm, but if it wasn’t microwavable or came in a box that required nothing more than opening a can of tuna…it was not going to appear on anyone’s plate.

The reasons for this were many:

1. My grandmothers both made me baker’s helper from the time I could walk.
2. My mother always shoo’ed me out of the kitchen while cooking.
3. My mother was terrified of us kids even making a sandwich with a butter knife.
4. My mother’s OCD tendencies did not allow for us to leave a crumb in sight.  (Funny, I married her male counterpart, huh?)
5. I could not possibly conceive of having more than one thing “going” at a time.  It seemed like utter chaos to me.

I should mention that the chaos thing follows me.  I have the Chaos Arrows tattooed on my right arm.  It is ever-present in my life.  I can NOT function in chaos.  I shut down.  I need order, but I have a hard time keeping order.  The minute I get a hint of things (house, work, kids) getting out of order, instead of fixing it, I shut down and then it becomes a mountain.

But enough about all that…That’s just background.  Here’s what I REALLY wanted to talk about.

What Do You Do When Your AS Munchkins Start Cooking – Unsupervised?

About 18 months ago I started cooking.  The kids were coming to Germany.  I got re-married.  I wanted to take care of everyone.  Turns out, I’m kinda good at it.  I treat it like a puzzle.  I LOVE puzzles.

So does Max.  Max and I are very much alike in many ways.  The whole order/chaos thing.  Well, there are a lot of parallels…

From the time he was born, Max was always very deliberate.  When he was 2 & Madison was 3 1/2 we went to the swimming pool at our hotel.  I would not let go of Madison, but Max didn’t worry me.  He watched every step and I knew he wouldn’t accidentally fall in.  Madison, on the other hand, would watch everywhere BUT where he was going.  (He still does!)

Max has started cooking.  He’s a regular Egg-Aficionado!  He’s woken me up to a plate full of delicious eggs.  I’ve asked him not to cook while Mommy isn’t there to watch, but tonight I realized he’s still been doing it.

I went to get eggs for the dinner I was making and we were out.

I am completely overcome with pride and absolute fear at the same time.  Pride because he loves doing it and feels good about it.  Absolute fear because if something went wrong – Max would shut down.  Just like when the TV comes on too loud on a static channel.  Suddenly, he can’t find the remote.  He can only clamp his hands over his ears and rock.

I want to foster EVERY SINGLE THING he is good at.  I don’t want him to get hurt.

Is my own need for control stifling him?  Or am I just being a cautious parent?  Thoughts?  Ideas?  Compromises?

*NOTE: I realized halfway through that I had neglected to state the ages of my kids.  Morgan is 14, Madison is 13 and Max is 11.

Before we moved back to Texas, we lived in a 5 room apartment, 2 bedrooms, two open layout rooms that were supposed to be a living room and a dining room and a eat-in kitchen. As with most parents, we kept our room somewhat off bounds to the children. I bring this up because a moment has just occurred in our new home that I don’t think would have worked out so well in the old home.

I have had a long week so really wanted some “me” time. D, my oldest, has been off because his day isn’t as structured as it would be with school. S, my youngest, is himself, but that means attached. So getting me time would not have been possible before. But instead, I am getting time right now to post this.

We have two different living areas, plus bedrooms, plus dining areas here. So while I’m in here relaxing, D is in his bedroom, in his tent, playing his Gameboy SP. Where’s S? In the other living area watching his cartoons. It won’t last for long. Someone will want some more time with someone else. But it is nice to have separate space, in separate rooms, so we can all relax a little.

I must say, this is how I imagine an Autism Independent Living neighborhood would be as well.

Are Aspie/Autie families on the rise? It’s a current fascination of mine. Obviously, to me, having made this site, I do believe there are enough of us out there. Even the other day, two Aspie’s from a prominent ASD forum made us aware of their new bundle of joy. Just the search of “Aspie Family” brings up hits. While there are only a few that are relevant, it does have me thinking.

As our means of communication changes, does that mean we are able to meet and reproduce? Now, I know, many Aspies and HF Auties have gone on to get married and have kids. But does the internet give rise to those of us who may not have been so lucky? My husband (ADHD) and I met in a video game. These other two Aspies, I believe, met on the aforementioned message board.

With this focus away from brawn and beauty, (though, I doubt any of us would say our spouse isn’t pleasing to look at) towards brain and connection, are we setting ourselves up to adapt and procreate?

I happen to enjoy my Aspie/Autie family. While we do like “together time,” we don’t need to actively participate together to feel connected. Such as now, I’m on my computer, the husband is playing Final Fantasy, and our kiddos are in bed, presumably asleep. Even if they were awake, we may all be doing separate things, but together.

This does not mean we don’t have that personal participation together. Earlier tonight we put ornaments on the Christmas tree. Other times, we may sit and cuddle very closely (as none of us like light touch) to watch TV. We don’t even participate in much “chit chat.” Only when we need to get something out do we tend to converse a whole lot.

Well, except for S, he chatters all the time. It’s a constant bombardment of dialog about what he’s doing, if he can do it, and what he wants to do it. I’ve gotten to where I can tune it out, but my husband isn’t quite so lucky. That’s a totally different topic though. So I will leave you with the question posed. Are Aspie/Autie families on the rise? (See poll.)

Most of us are quite aware our need to adhere to a schedule. I am unsure if it is my own problem, or if many other have dealt with this. I generally made it a rule after having both my boys to not follow a set schedule out of fear I would make them too dependent on one. After learning their need for more structure, especially with their diagnoses, I put my thoughts aside and now keep a schedule.

All kids need structure, whether or not they are ASD or NT. This is the mantra of this lesson. Before our children can gain structure, we must gain organization in our own lives. Kids may be unpredictable, but we can do things to keep those distractions to a minimum.

1. Keep a daily schedule. While this seems simple, it can be rather difficult, especially as your children get older. I highly recommend using Google Calendar. Reason for Google calendar is that most programs have the option to sync with your Google calendar, including MS Outlook 2007 and Mozilla Sunbird. You can easily set up multiple calendars for each member of your family. As well, Google Calendars can be private or public, be shared with other people, and be edited by only the people you chose.

2. Make a weekly chore chart. This may be difficult for you to get younger children to do, but this will even work for yourself. I keep this as a weekly to leave flexibility in my day, but still helps me get everything done within a week. Specifically, chores such as mopping, laundry and grocery shopping are on the list.

3. Everything has a place. Maintaining an organized environment keeps things predictable. Labels, well-defined locations, and accessibility are all things that should be taken into account. Have a place for everything in your house, include a quiet spot for yourself and each member of your family.

4. Get your family involved. This is the most important step, in my opinion. You want to consider everyone’s needs. Each person should be able to see your daily schedule and weekly chores. Find out which chore each family can do. We all have sensory needs, and some chores are easier for certain members of your family.