After I had my 6 yr old, I finally decided to stop trying to work, so I could devote my time and energy to him. I know it might sound cruel to the outside person, but I’m thankful for their Autism. I have been able to stay at home with them and really nurture them without anyone batting an eye, even as they became school age. I think this is one of the biggest reasons everyone compliments us that we have such happy kids.

This next school year, they will both be at school full time. While other stay at home moms talk about going back to work, finishing their degrees, or some even furthering education, I have felt this weight about the fact that I can’t really do any of these. I’ve spoken about going back to college, but with some recent increases in stress, I’ve realized I can’t handle that. The same can be said about rejoining the work force. That’s without looking at the fact I have no real work experience.

I’m very happy with the progress I have made with regards to this website, the new ASAN chapter I’ve started, and in general promoting the Neurodiversity message. In the coming months, I’ll be unveiling other work that I am doing within the ASAN organization. I work hard at all of this and somehow, I can handle it. One friend of mine suggests it’s because I have passion for it and it’s all telecommuting.

To put it simply, when I need a break, I can take one. I need breaks much more often than the normal person. I’m lucky to have a very understanding husband. He reminds me that people without my issues can’t hold jobs. That I’m still contributing to our household even if it’s not financially. I’m grateful for this. It still leaves me wishing that I could find a real job that could be as understanding.

1. ‘All children are different.’
   • This one seems pretty self explanatory. But in my case, my son seems to be different than ALL children.
2. Peer pressure is not always a bad thing.
   • We’ve discovered that my youngest will go potty at school, but not at home. So I explored this. What was different? We use the same methods. We have same premise of First-Then. Then it dawned on me when his SLP from school was here. She said he realized he got to go back to centers faster if he just pee’d.
   • She also said that they didn’t have anything as eye-catching as Super Mario Kart Wii. It turns out they have something even more so. They have his friends. You can pause a game. You can take a game with you. But friends? They keep going whether or not you’re there.
3. Reinforcement only goes so far.
   • He LOVES the idea of a potty party. He LOVES stickers. He LOVES edible treats. Combining these together and it still doesn’t help him go. Though, I wonder if I had a big gift wrapped box with party hats, stickers and candy just out of reach if that’d work.
   • Tomorrow will be the test on this. I am going to create a sticker chart tonight. In the morning, there will be a ziplock baggie of skittles. He knows we have cupcakes and party supplies waiting, but they will go into a big box. Everything will be right in front of him waiting for him to go pee.
4. You don’t actually WANT to know what everyone else has done to potty train their kids.
   • This ends up being an off-shot thing I’ve learned. Many parents seem to think abuse is the way to go. No wonder some kids don’t train for years. I’ve been told to stick my son in a cold shower. That I should spray him with cold water when he goes poop in his pants. IE torture.
   • I should only buy one pair of underwear. And each time he makes a mess in them, he has to watch the washer and dryer until they’re done. IE seclusion.
   • Some things you just don’t want to know about people. I know that there are abusive parents out there. But these suggestions came from people who in every other area treat their children well! Parents will go so far as to abuse their child to get them trained.
5. ‘Positive Practice’ may be the sure fire way to train.
   • But I will never ever EVER use it again. I’m sorry, but the use of aversives on Autistic or any disabled or non-disabled child should be outlawed. This goes right along with Restraint and Seclusion to me! Apparently, conditioning is not only used for dogs, but for CHILDREN as well. I’m sorry, but there is something wrong with the practice. Why reduce a child to the level of an animal, or sometimes below? They are living human beings with emotions and awareness.
   • What does it say to them when parents and clinicians and professionals of all sort say that everything they do is wrong? No wonder there are some Autistics that believe in no intervention if they were subjected to these methods. No wonder there are people who mentally break and end up in facilities. It is a sad thing, aversives.

ASAN, Autistic Self Advocacy Network, is what it sounds like. Autistic people advocating for change. I first heard of the group during the 2008 political campaign. Many parents of autistic kids fired arrows at the president of ASAN, Ari Ne’eman, saying he didn’t know what it’s “really like.”

At the time, I was pretty new to the neurodiversity movement. While I agreed with the sentiment, I had a hard time defending his statements. I refound ASAN when I finally settled back down here in Texas. After having reconfirmed my Asperger’s diagnosis, I can say without a doubt, I know what it is to live in an alien world.

I do believe, no matter how naive it sounds, that we can live in harmony. Whether or not they can live in harmony with us, we need to try to understand them as much as we want them to understand us. More on these thoughts later.

If you would like to be included in writing for ASP, please e-mail me! I would love to include others thoughts and suggestions!