This is an emotional subject for me. I don’t typically like to think about it as it hurts. In my nearly 28 yrs living, or the 10 years since graduating from high school. I have gone to a community college, a university, and worked a total of 4 jobs. The community college I was at for 3 semesters. The university, 5 semesters, which ended in me dropping out because my anxiety issues became too great. 3 of the 4 jobs lasted no longer than 3 months. Not from my lack of trying, but because the anxiety I experienced from them finally crashed down on me.

After I had my 6 yr old, I finally decided to stop trying to work, so I could devote my time and energy to him. I know it might sound cruel to the outside person, but I’m thankful for their Autism. I have been able to stay at home with them and really nurture them without anyone batting an eye, even as they became school age. I think this is one of the biggest reasons everyone compliments us that we have such happy kids.

This next school year, they will both be at school full time. While other stay at home moms talk about going back to work, finishing their degrees, or some even furthering education, I have felt this weight about the fact that I can’t really do any of these. I’ve spoken about going back to college, but with some recent increases in stress, I’ve realized I can’t handle that. The same can be said about rejoining the work force. That’s without looking at the fact I have no real work experience.

I’m very happy with the progress I have made with regards to this website, the new ASAN chapter I’ve started, and in general promoting the Neurodiversity message. In the coming months, I’ll be unveiling other work that I am doing within the ASAN organization. I work hard at all of this and somehow, I can handle it. One friend of mine suggests it’s because I have passion for it and it’s all telecommuting.

To put it simply, when I need a break, I can take one. I need breaks much more often than the normal person. I’m lucky to have a very understanding husband. He reminds me that people without my issues can’t hold jobs. That I’m still contributing to our household even if it’s not financially. I’m grateful for this. It still leaves me wishing that I could find a real job that could be as understanding.

I hate having to do this, but after searching and searching, I feel it is needed. I have had people ask me some worthwhile resources for parents on the spectrum. I’ve also been doing my best to find reliable sources to draw from to help build some concrete articles. Instead, what I’ve found is not only inaccurate, in many cases, down right brutal. Take an excerpt from an article in USAToday from 2007

Though professionals use the same diagnostic criteria, interpretations make for wide disparities in diagnosis. Ami Klin, head of the Yale Developmental Disabilities Clinic, says some people may have family members with autism-spectrum disorders and exhibit features of Asperger’s, such as “social deficits and a great deal of rigidities,” but these traits are not tantamount to the diagnosable condition.

Forming close friendships and dating run counter to Asperger’s adults’ goals, colleague Tsatsanis says; Klin says he has never known a parent with Asperger’s.

Bryna Siegel, director of the Autism Clinic at the University of California-San Francisco, concurs that an Asperger’s parent would be rare, and she knows of just one short-lived marriage. Recently she does more “un-diagnosing” than diagnosing, she says.

Most if not all have also heard of FAAAS and CADD (or the Cassandra Effect) that suggests that Asperger’s partners (and parents) deprive their partners of affection. As well, it is said we apparently seek out socialites in hopes of them being our mentor. [An aside. They should really meet my husband to see how he works into their frame work. He's hardly social!] Even Tony Attwood has in previous conferences suggested we are abusive, leave our children embarrassed or unloved, and that our children will hate us.

From my experience with my children, and the few Asperger’s parents I’ve met, this is in no way accurate. I’m sure there are people within our group that are this way, as there are neurotypical people who are also abusive and neglectful. To characterize us, in my humble opinion, as liars [USA Today], neglectful [FAAAS] and abusive [Attwood], is not only cold and heartless, but also cruel and hurtful.

(to be continued….)

With our move, I have come to realize one big truth about myself. I must advocate for my children and myself. While I still know people that live in the Dallas area, I am required to open myself up to more than those people. So far, I have been quite lucky with those that I’ve met.

School professionals? They have congratulated me on my knowledge, order and preparation. They like the initiative I’m taking to learn about my children’s education. All around, it has been an excellent experience. They are all quite aware that I have Asperger’s and have concluded that both boys do indeed qualify for an IEP under the diagnosis of Autism.

Rehabilitative professionals? They also have noticed my keen knowledge of the boys. Surprisingly, I have learned that most parents don’t get to know the ins and outs of their children like I have. I’m not sure why, but it comes natural for me to learn every aspect and keep up to date. There was no shock this week when my oldest, now 5, was evaluated at below a 3 year old level, and no shock that my youngest, now 4, was evaluated at about a 3 1/2 year old level. We have come to grips with this and do what we can do push them further. And once again, I have let them know that I have Asperger’s.

I have now come to my roadblock when it comes to success with advocacy. I am now trying to become part of a local mom’s group. Armed with my relatively new diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, I am doing what I can to advocate. I make sure to let people know about Autism Spectrum Disorders. I make them aware that my children are delayed for their age. What I seem to keep forgetting is advocating for myself. So today, I ran into my roadblock from opening my proverbial mouth. On the message board for this group, I chose words unwisely. I upset someone unintentionally. But I took that moment to explain myself when I had the opportunity. I invited the person to read more about social deficits with those Asperger’s people.

I usually don’t upset others, but I do know I make rude comments at times. This is not about making excuses though. This is a time for learning as well. Both from my side, on learning that certain comments are better left unsaid, and from the other side, that sometimes people don’t always intend to be mean.