Love. Perversate. Obsess.
Again, taking a page from my personal life. I have, often in life, questioned what it means to “love.” I think it’s very possible to love someone and be on “the spectrum.” I think we all can find a love, whether an object, a person or a ______. And most likely, we will all find at least one love in our life time.
But this week, my husband and I have been talking, and I have been thinking. I doubted whether I loved him, or anyone. I doubted whether or not I knew what love is. But tonight I came to a revelation. I DO love him, though, not in the way I think love should be felt.
I have several “loves.” I happen to really love math. and art. and music. and weather patterns. and movies. and programming. You get the point. Where I seem to have the problem is not that I don’t love the people around me, but that I don’t perversate or obsess over them.
I have in the past had relationships that I did perversate over the person and am quite happy that is not the case with my husband. So when we say we don’t know how to love, I think I, at least, and perhaps even you, should rephrase. I do love others, I just don’t understand that love as well as my obsessions.