I Can’t Read Social Cues
This is a follow up from several years ago on “I can’t initiate.”
Earlier this afternoon, something inevitable happened. I questioned my current friendships. This happens from time to time. Mainly because, as the title says, I can’t read social cues.
You see, I left a local mom’s group I was in, in January. At the time, I freaked out about losing the friendships I made there. But the group had made some decisions I couldn’t accept. Others also couldn’t accept them and left as well. I freaked out because I can’t initiate. I have come up with work arounds. I can do a blanket request to get together. I can create events. All of those opt in situations.
But I cannot bring myself to actually ask if someone wants to get together because opting out has other repercussions. Like, was this no for this time, or a general no? Does this mean this person isn’t my friends, only friendly? Sometimes, it’s easy enough to tell the answer (like our schedules didn’t connect, or their kid is sick, concrete answers). I’ve been doing OK with the opt in situations.
But as I get further and further away from the regularly scheduled weekly playdates in a single location, I’m struggling. Are these my friends? Am I only bring included when I ask if anything is going on? Do people not like me? Is that why we have nothing planned this entire Spring Break? Am I coming off as stand off ish? Anti-social?
This has been my today. And I don’t want to accuse the people I see a s my friends of not liking me. But I can’t tell. I can’t read the situation. And asking bluntly comes across as an accusation usually.
My track record isn’t great. Every time I think I’ve found friends, something happens and it falls apart. I’m pretty sure I’m at least partially to blame because it happens a lot. And I’m relatively certain on my end, it’s disability related. But damn, I cannot for the life of me put my finger on it.
So instead, Facebook has gone away for the week. Because I don’t want to end up damaging my friendships, if they are in fact friendships. But it’s going to keep nagging on me for a while, I know.