I know I usually try to keep things parenting based in most forms. Today, I’m not because it happens to be my birthday. I’m now 27 yrs old which is no big deal, but I was being introspective.

How is it that we have grown into adults, happy overall, healthy overall? We have heard time and time again that the outlook for people with ASDs to have meaningful relationships. That we will forever struggle to meet societal acceptance. Yet here we are, for the most part, living productive lives. I doubt any of us are hermits in our parents basement. (Though, my family does cohabit with my mother.)

I think it’s a mixture of many things. We were really forced to sink or swim. It’s a Darwinism in the simplest form. I think at one point we had the guidance to realize we needed to swim, that we needed to survive. I have to thank my mother and a great childhood friend. Between my mom instilling that I could do anything, and the guidance of that friend, I pushed myself beyond my limits. I grew in ways most would never imagine.

So in celebration of my birthday, I’d like you all to take a few minutes and think of how you were helped to swim, so to speak. It doesn’t have to be people, it could easily be something inside yourself alone.

As much as the first part was negative, I will attempt to make this one much stronger and uplifting. While most of the links are blogs and personal websites, it is important to note that there ARE other places for positive support.

It is argued that even with support, some parents with Asperger syndrome simply may not be up to the enormous task. Raising a psychologically healthy child involves complex emotional interaction between parent and child, as well as the ability to avoid parental behaviors damaging to a child’s well-being. However it can be easily argued that many neurotypical parents have very poor parenting skills, and of course there are many parents on the autistic spectrum who have excellent parenting skills.

Some adults with Asperger’s syndrome rightly point out that many parents experience parenting difficulties as parents without being on the autism spectrum and that ‘aspies’ should not be singled out as being unable to be effective parents. Asperger syndrome parents should certainly not, be stereotyped or categorized as evil, uncaring, or intentionally abusive. If Aspergers syndrome does affect a person’s parenting skills, this would simply mean that appropriate support should be looked at, as it would be for a parent with anger management issues, depression or any other condition that could impact on their children’s lives.

That comes from Autism Help.org. If you would have looked at their site even a year ago, the negativity towards people having healthy relationships as adults would have shocked you. Luckily, due to changes in perception, this is no longer the case. Obviously, this is just a small snippet and doesn’t go into detail, but we ARE making headway.

There are sites across the web by parents who have come to discover their own Asperger’s. From Life with Asperger’s to Aspie World, you can see examples of parents talking about their lives, marriage, kids. Even some young adults just starting their journey in to parenthood are chiming in on their experiences.

There are some organizations for an Autistic convention, women, advocacy and education, not to mention, research.

It is my hope that we will be able to spread even more. To show that we can not only be good parents, but also, show that we can help neurotypicals some insightful ways to raise their children as well. (And maybe even be nationally recognized with news pieces on families like all of ours!)

Before we moved back to Texas, we lived in a 5 room apartment, 2 bedrooms, two open layout rooms that were supposed to be a living room and a dining room and a eat-in kitchen. As with most parents, we kept our room somewhat off bounds to the children. I bring this up because a moment has just occurred in our new home that I don’t think would have worked out so well in the old home.

I have had a long week so really wanted some “me” time. D, my oldest, has been off because his day isn’t as structured as it would be with school. S, my youngest, is himself, but that means attached. So getting me time would not have been possible before. But instead, I am getting time right now to post this.

We have two different living areas, plus bedrooms, plus dining areas here. So while I’m in here relaxing, D is in his bedroom, in his tent, playing his Gameboy SP. Where’s S? In the other living area watching his cartoons. It won’t last for long. Someone will want some more time with someone else. But it is nice to have separate space, in separate rooms, so we can all relax a little.

I must say, this is how I imagine an Autism Independent Living neighborhood would be as well.

With our move, I have come to realize one big truth about myself. I must advocate for my children and myself. While I still know people that live in the Dallas area, I am required to open myself up to more than those people. So far, I have been quite lucky with those that I’ve met.

School professionals? They have congratulated me on my knowledge, order and preparation. They like the initiative I’m taking to learn about my children’s education. All around, it has been an excellent experience. They are all quite aware that I have Asperger’s and have concluded that both boys do indeed qualify for an IEP under the diagnosis of Autism.

Rehabilitative professionals? They also have noticed my keen knowledge of the boys. Surprisingly, I have learned that most parents don’t get to know the ins and outs of their children like I have. I’m not sure why, but it comes natural for me to learn every aspect and keep up to date. There was no shock this week when my oldest, now 5, was evaluated at below a 3 year old level, and no shock that my youngest, now 4, was evaluated at about a 3 1/2 year old level. We have come to grips with this and do what we can do push them further. And once again, I have let them know that I have Asperger’s.

I have now come to my roadblock when it comes to success with advocacy. I am now trying to become part of a local mom’s group. Armed with my relatively new diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, I am doing what I can to advocate. I make sure to let people know about Autism Spectrum Disorders. I make them aware that my children are delayed for their age. What I seem to keep forgetting is advocating for myself. So today, I ran into my roadblock from opening my proverbial mouth. On the message board for this group, I chose words unwisely. I upset someone unintentionally. But I took that moment to explain myself when I had the opportunity. I invited the person to read more about social deficits with those Asperger’s people.

I usually don’t upset others, but I do know I make rude comments at times. This is not about making excuses though. This is a time for learning as well. Both from my side, on learning that certain comments are better left unsaid, and from the other side, that sometimes people don’t always intend to be mean.

I’m doing this quick blurb, but have more that I’m waiting on. Specifically, I have some videos that we’re editting here at home.

I’ve chosen to speak to those of you in the US. I’ve spoken at two different events at Connecticut State Capitol. We have a great bill in committee to cover evaluations, medication and ABA. While, they are looking to expand the ABA to doctor prescribed behavior treatment. I’m rather hopeful that changing it, that it will also include cognitive-behavioral therapy which can help us adults.

I’d encourage all of you to see what your state or country is doing. Get active and involved. It’ll be a great experience for you and how to speak infront of others. And who knows, maybe it’ll convince those you speak to understand a little bit there is a whole adult population that “have a clue”.

After much discussion with providers, husband and self reflection, I do believe that Change has to be the Achilles’ Heel of Asperger’s and Autism in general. No matter how much we “blend” into society, this one thing will usually be the one thing that disrupts all we have done.

I have done my best to accept change in normal every day life, and tried to adapt so that changes in schedule do not disrupt. I do not keep an hourly schedule for this exact reason. I do keep a daily schedule, as in things I need to do during a day. This ensures everything gets done.

Even a change that I’m welcoming, has turned my life topsy turvy whenever I think about it. We are moving in 2 months. Our family move is for the best of everyone involved and is a much better situation than we are living in now. Yet, the thought keeps me unnerved.

But now what I need to learn is how to deal with change that disrupts even my very simplistic schedule. So I ask those readers I have, what are your suggestions on how to physically deal with change? How do you deal with changes?

Again, taking a page from my personal life. I have, often in life, questioned what it means to “love.” I think it’s very possible to love someone and be on “the spectrum.” I think we all can find a love, whether an object, a person or a ______. And most likely, we will all find at least one love in our life time.

But this week, my husband and I have been talking, and I have been thinking. I doubted whether I loved him, or anyone. I doubted whether or not I knew what love is. But tonight I came to a revelation. I DO love him, though, not in the way I think love should be felt.

I have several “loves.” I happen to really love math. and art. and music. and weather patterns. and movies. and programming. You get the point. Where I seem to have the problem is not that I don’t love the people around me, but that I don’t perversate or obsess over them.

I have in the past had relationships that I did perversate over the person and am quite happy that is not the case with my husband. So when we say we don’t know how to love, I think I, at least, and perhaps even you, should rephrase. I do love others, I just don’t understand that love as well as my obsessions.

I’d like to say Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers. For those that don’t have Thanksgiving, I’d still like to extend to you an invitation to celebrate it. Thanksgiving, I feel, is a very energizing day. It is a day to Give Thanks for all we have. This is something I feel should not be left only to this holiday.

My thoughts for today could and should extend to our normal lives. In some families, they celebrate by everyone around the table saying what they are thankful for. I have to say, I never understood or liked this tradition. Mainly because everyone always tried to outdo the person before them.

Instead, I’d like others to try this. Come up with how they can be thankful for you. I feel as an Aspie, sometimes, I don’t give myself enough credit. I have been told this by those around me. Now, I’m not saying to be selfish and not tell those you love that you’re thankful for them. But it is a good time and sit back to realize what good you have to offer others.

Happy Thanksgiving. My hope is that you are thankful for me and this website.