As you all know, I’ve been working hard to get Daniel an iPad, hopefully by Christmas. Since starting, we have raised over $300 to this end. There are other people who have said they will be donating, but at this time, we are no where near the $600 needed to buy the device, insurance, case and apps. We will be contributing to the cost as well, but we don’t have the $300 to finish out the cost.
Imagine my surprise, when last week, when iHelp for Special Needs (@ihelpspecneeds) started following me on twitter! I’m sure @SpeechTXJulie had something to do with that as she’s the one who showed me how to get started on this journey. So I wrote to the lovely people at iHelp about Daniel’s story and I received an email back saying that they thought my children were beautiful and that I was a great mom for thinking outside of the box! They want to feature Daniel’s on their website, even!
I know it’s hard this time of year to give without receiving something in return, so instead, for those still shopping for gifts, I ask that you shop through iHelp. The donations will go to fund Daniel’s iPad still. I know in my “There’s an App for That!” series, I’ve given links to buy apps. If you chose to buy apps, I’d also appreciate you purchasing through iHelp, as they have a great extensive list of Apps for Special Needs and a portion of those purchases will also go to the iPad fund.
I hope I’m not upsetting any of my readers by doing all of this. I just really feel that Daniel will benefit so greatly from having this device. He’s an amazing kiddo! And I know that he can do great things so long as he’s given the right support!
If you are a family with a Special Needs child reading this, know that iHelp for Special Needs wants to hear your story too, and to help you get your child an iPad. As well, if you qualify, please think about going through the HollyRod Foundation. If you’d rather support a nonprofit to get a tax deduction, I’d also recommend the HollyRod Foundation at this time.
And boy are there! In my last blog, I listed just a short snippet of apps available for iPod Touch, iPhone and iPad that help children on the Spectrum. I thought it’d be wise to list more, those for Autistic children (this post), those for Autistic adults (next post) and those that can be used by all (last post). If I offend by suggesting something as just for children that can be used by Autistic adults, I do apologize. I’m going more “generally” for kids than for adults. So without further ado, my list.
For Autistic Children:
- Free Apps
- Autism Xpress – An app that shows basic faces. The colors are vibrant and the pictures, inviting.
- Talking Tom Cat – This cat copies everything spoken to it, then repeats it aloud for you to hear.
- Model Me Going Places – A group of simple social stories for your child to read about going to different places. While I think the concept is good, I prefer the customizable social stories other apps (below) provide.
- $10 and Under Apps
- PBS Kids – My Journal – ($1.99) – This app has two parts. Created by PBS Kids under the Mister Rodgers Neighborhood Brand, this little app has stories that can be read and have multiple choice answers about responding to different things. Then you can also have your child create their own personal journal entries with simple words and pictures.
- First Then Visual Schedule – ($9.99) – Allows creation of personal picture schedules. It has some preset images, but you can also talk your own, and add your own voice over. Also the layout is visually appealing to me.
- iReward Chart – ($2.99) – There is a lite version to this app, so if you’re not sure, you can always try that out! It’s a chore + reward chart. The free version only allows one child to be add, the paid version you can have multiple children. As well, you can have as many or as little chores as you think your child can handle. Each are fully customizable, as well as the rewards.
- Social Stories – ($6.99) – This app contains 2 sets of 6 stories for young and advanced learners. There is also an option to create your own, but I suggest using their Stories 2 Learn app for that (below).
- Kindergarten.com’s ABA Cards – ($0.99-$1.99) – I’m giving you their website as they have a whole series of ABA apps for identification, problem solving, receptive learning and more. Each type is a new app, which means while they are each priced low, if you get all of them, it will be over $10.
- Larry the Talking Bird – ($4.99) – Much like Talking Tom Cat, Larry repeats what you say. You can also play a tune on the piano and Larry will sing it back to you. I’m not sure that extra feature is worth the price tag for me, but it might be for you if you have a musical child.
- iWriteWords – ($2.99) – There’s a limit to the preset words, as well, you can’t work on a single alphabet letter, only as the alphabet as a whole. However, that said, this app (haven’t tried) seems like a good investment if your child is still learning to form letters correctly. They also seem to write “correctly” much like the Handwriting Without Tears program. It also gives more spots to hit than HWT does. Definitely recommend.
- Sight Word Flash Cards – ($0.99) – Otherwise known as Dolche words, this app has flash cards for most readily used Sight Words. This is great for beginning readers, or those having trouble with spelling.
- Tell Time – ($1.99) – This simple app has 3 stages of learning to tell time. We haven’t gotten to this yet for either of the boys, so I have not used it yet. However, recent discussions on some lists made me aware how difficult it is for non-visual learners to learn to tell time. For those, I think this app would help gain that skill.
- Sentence Builder – ($3.99) – With 3 skill levels, pictures to help guide, this app helps learn to make complete, and grammatically correct sentences. It offers a range of pronouns, adjectives and verbs to construct a sentence.
- My Choices Board – ($9.99) – I had not seen this before, but very much want to use it now! My Daniel uses choice boards all day at school and at home. It requires us to take a picture, laminate, then apply velcro to any new toy or game he likes. This app you can do the same thing without creating binder after binder of PECS and pictures. If you’ve ever had to go through that process you know how tedious it is. If not, consider yourself lucky! At least now I know “An App can do that too!”
- abc PocketPhonics – ($0.99) – Many schools now days require their children to learn both Sight words and by Phonics. This app has children listen to words and pick out the sounds they hear to spell. I think the game-style interface makes this less grueling and instead makes it fun for children to learn.
- Over $10 Apps
- Look 2 Learn – ($24.99) – This AAC app is listed under for children as I think some of the other apps are a bit more robust for adults. However, it does allow for customization, adding your own pictures, and adding a voice.
- Stories 2 Learn – ($13.99) – Unlike Social Stories (above), S2L is solely for parents and teachers to create social stories. The use of your own pictures, words, and voice create truly customized social stories for any use.
This is it for now. My next installment is my very short list of apps for adults on the Spectrum. Stay tuned! And please take the time to donate to our iPad fund for Daniel. Though I only listed one above that I expressly want for him, many more of these would also be useful for him, both at home and at school.
It’s been nearly a month since I last posted, and I do apologize for that. A couple of weeks ago we were in a car accident. While none of us had to be in the hospital, that doesn’t mean we weren’t injured. My husband and I have sustained injuries to our back and neck. But it is Thankgiving, and I feel I must give my thanks.
First, I thank my husband for standing beside me, no matter what happens. While this is traditional in any marriage, there are so many who do not stick by their spouses. I feel truly honored and loved that you stand beside me.
Second, I thank my kids for trying so hard. Despite it not being apparent to me, many people have seen growth in my children. This is great. It means we’re doing the right thing. But when people who haven’t ever met your kids say how well off they are, I must tip my hat off to the boys. While my husband and I support them, they are the ones making the strides. So thank you to the two of you.
Next, I’m thankful that we are finally going to move from my mother’s house. It’s a step we’ve needed to make for a while and kept getting caught up in the “Is this good for…..?” game. So in a week’s time we will be in an apartment where we plan to stay for the next 2 yrs to get our credit score up, and then purchase a home.
Last, I’m thankful to all of you in the Autistic community. You have stood behind me, picked me up, and urged me on. Without all of you, I wouldn’t have the courage to write my book, advocate for the sake us all, or change the world. And I do believe that we are all going to be able to change the world, one community at a time.
So once again, have a great and happy Thanksgiving!
When I heard about Communication Shutdown, which is a simulation for those without Autism Spectrum Disorders to understand the isolation felt by those who are, I slightly chuckled inside. Autism is a difficult condition to wrap your head around no matter who you are. Even those of us on the Spectrum are often without the words to describe what it truly means to be Autistic. And while those who have more ‘normal’ manifestations of empathy have the greatest of intentions, I do feel the movement and subsequent donations are quite misguided. So for today, I want to take a moment to introduce you to some amazing people, movements, and organizations who exemplify why we’ve chosen ASDay.
An Introduction
My son, Daniel, is 6 years old. He did not start to speak until he was nearly 5 years old. He struggles with it to this day. If he doesn’t get enough sleep, he loses his ability to create even 5 word sentences. In school, they use an AlphaSmart for him for written communication, because like most children with ASDs, he has poor fine motor skills. But this device can be used for much more than written communication. It has the technology available to serve as a speaking voice for nonverbal students as well. This versatile word processing unit is roughly $200 each. Our school system is quite lucky that it’s RTI (right to intervention), but in other poorer districts, this is Assistive Technology where the child must be evaluated to gain access to. These devices and other much more expensive models, while archaic, are live lines for students who cannot communicate.
More than that, since Daniel is unable to speak clearly to where everyone can understand him, he’s not able to participate with most family members. Any parent knows how isolating this is. Instead, we have given him a Facebook account which we closely monitor. This allows him to play games with his cousins, his aunts and uncles and grandparents. It gives everyone the excitement of being able to see how much he has grown. And as he’s able to type more, communicate with him. I don’t typically talk about Daniel as much since this site is dedicated to Autistic parent concerns, but he is truly an amazing boy who would not be where he is without technology.
A Nonverbal
Carly Fleischmann‘s story is pretty well known at this point, but it doesn’t hurt to go over it again. Her parents thought she was unable to communicate or understand what was said to her. Through her life until her teen years, she had no voice. Her computer gave her a voice and what she’s had to say is the same thing we verbal Autistics have been saying all along.
“After my story was played I kept on getting lots of emails from moms, dads, kids and people from different countries asking me all sorts of questions about autism. I think people get a lot of their information from so-called experts but I think what happens is that experts can’t give an explanation to certain questions. How can you explain something you have not lived or if you don’t know what it’s like to have it? If a horse is sick, you don’t ask a fish what’s wrong with the horse. You go right to the horse’s mouth.” -Carly Fleischmann
This isn’t meant as a “Ha! Told you so!” I believe without a doubt that most people assume because we can speak, we don’t experience the world similarly. Our ability to talk just means that the message in our heads can work with other places within our brain to control the muscles for the sound to come out. So I implore you if you have not to see Carly’s story, and if you have, look at it again. I always catch something new.
A Pioneer
Despite her appearance, Amanda Baggs, in my opinion, has to be the leading pioneer when it comes to using social media to actively show her best interpretation of HER Autism. I admire her for constantly making clear that there is no high or low functioning. I first “met” Ms. Baggs in 2007 when my Daniel was first diagnosed with Autism, before I knew what it was, and before I knew I was on the Spectrum myself. It never occurred to me that she was such a pioneer in those days. All I knew is I agreed with everything she said. On a website forum full of parents of Autistic children, she stood up and made her voice heard.
It was through her that I first found out about the Neurodiversity movement. And while I held their core values to be true long before I had ever heard of it, it just made me realize that I was not the only one to think these things. It was in her words that made me realize what I wanted for my Daniel. I simply wanted him to be happy. So we have worked tirelessly these past 3.5 yrs to make him happy. And anytime that we tried an intervention that made him upset, we stopped it. Because I didn’t want, nor do I now, him to look back and see the abuse these therapies put them through. What Amanda Baggs says helps in ways I don’t think she ever intended. I don’t see her as a “window” to my children’s brains, thoughts, and feelings. But with her words, and those of others, I have come to find what works for myself and my family to keep us moving forward, independent as we can be and HAPPY.
An Activist
Ari Ne’eman exemplifies what it means to work hard to get to where you’re at. I know he’s an easy person to turn to and say “See what we can accomplish!” He has done so much in his short 22 years and 10 months. I consider him a close friend and confidant as he will listen and offer to help in any way he can. That is completely amazing to me considering his full plate. I have gone over what he has done before, but just in case you’ve not been to my blog before or have forgotten.
- President of the Autistic Self Advocacy Network
- First Autistic Adult on the National Council on Disabilities
- Board member to the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee of the Department of Health and Human Services
- Board member of TASH, formerly known as The Association for Persons with Severe Handicaps
- Graduate from the University of Maryland-Baltimore County with a degree in Political Science
A Mother
Sharon daVanport to me is first and foremost a mother, to her children, but also to the many women and girls who find themselves on the Autism Spectrum. Her work started with the Asperger Women Association, but after she saw more and more events happening in the larger Autism community started the Autism Women’s Network. In the short year since they were founded, they have reached out to hundreds of women on the Autism Spectrum, as well as to hundreds more parents of Autistic girls. By bringing awareness to the sexual, physical and mental abuse that many suffer from in silence; creating a mentoring program for those new to the diagnosis; and even reaching top numbers on the Pepsi Refresh Project (currently at 26 on this last day of October voting!), Sharon and AWN have truly created a community that I truly believe is making a difference. My belief is with their efforts, they will help turn the tide into helping the many women suffering from misdiagnosis to come to their true diagnosis. As we all know, knowing what’s different is half the battle.
While I know these are the known heroes of the Autistic culture, and that there are many more who I missed, I believe all of these people show what true communication is about. It’s not about who can speak, or not. It’s not about who can live without social networking. It’s about getting your message out there. Whether it be for your family, friends and loved ones; for those who have no physical voice; to break barriers; to change the tide; or to give hope, the place it starts is with communicating. It’s not a matter of so called functioning levels, or whether or not one can speak, it’s about letting our voices be heard. And so my hope for today, tomorrow and the rest of my life, is that our “voices” will be heard.
I had an argument on a parent list that I’ve been a part of for just over a year. I love the organization’s leader as she’s also Aspie and great to bounce ideas on. But this recurrent theme that I keep seeing keeps leaving me in tears.
Without going into detail about the specifics, I feel that the theme is very important to touch on.
It’s about educating, training, accommodating then allowing a person to live independently. As Autistic adults, we know how hard all of these things can be. For myself and many of my known readers, we all are pretty permenantly disabled for one reason or another. We made it through our teen years some easily, others much more difficultly. This is the nature of the Autistic life.
When I drive home the three A’s of Acceptance, Accommodation and Accessibility, the recurrent idea is that these things are not happening. General population acceptance of our disabilities is definitely not there, but that’s something we will continue to work on.
What I find difficult is that within parent circles, it’s okay to be accepting of your children’s differences, but when it comes to an adult, especially another parent, there is far less acceptance, to the point of personal attack on the person. When I attack an ideology, an organization or other such things, I am not attacking a person. Yet, when I do attack these things, I find myself more often than not insulted in one or more ways. Either because I don’t “represent” the “true” “reality” for many Autistic adults, or because I “attack” or “complain” too much and am not willing to “do anything about it.” If it’s not that, then I am accused of attacking someone personally even if I was very direct in criticizing a group or ideology with no personal flings.
This is difficult enough for me to handle. But then to be further insulted that just because you live with someone with Autism, means that you automatically know what it means to live with Autism. Independence is very difficult for many of us. If I did not have my husband, I would not be considered “independent.” So when you’re supporting financially, emotionally, and/or physically, an Autistic child, it is not nearly the same thing as we “independent” adults live with every day. What happens when you’re gone? How are they going to support themselves?
Many of the programs out there cost exorbitant amounts of money to train your child only for them to live and work in a sheltered program. Is this what you want for your child, or would you rather they be “independent like me?” I know I’m preaching to the choir. But why in one breath are we Autistic parents seen as extraordinary, then in the other unrealistic in what we want to see out of programs and services to address our brethren?
I really want to understand this. My husband says I never will because I’m working from the idea that everything is logical. (He’s right, by the way.) If you want your child to be independent, to not want to worry about what happens to your child when you are no longer around, or no longer able to take care of them, why do you scoff at our ideas? Is it so much to ask that instead of training a person to work in a sheltered workshop, that you instead give the supports to work in a normal workplace? If they are having a hard time coping with certain work situations, why are you taking them out of the workplace and putting them else where? Wouldn’t 1) Emotional and Job support, 2) Life Coach or 3) Job liaisons help the person stay where they are qualified to be as well as give them the skills to take it to another place?
In the end, if they can no longer work in the sheltered workshop, where will they go? Most likely to a group home or institution if you as parents are no longer able to support them or be there. How is that helping the person? And do you truly think about these things when you set up the “great” programs? Or are you just looking for the next year or two?
It keeps going round and round. And until someone stops to think, I do not think it will ever change.
I do apologize for the delay in getting this out. I have been working hard unpacking, with physical therapy, at the boys’ school, and trying to find sources to get Daniel an iPad.
When we left off, I presented you with apps to help children with Special Needs. Some of the suggestions were for apps made specifically for this population, and others that are meant for general use. So I hope that you all found those apps useful.
Today is more for the Autistic parent reading this blog. These are apps I either use, or feel would be useful for people with other skills sets than myself. While some of these may be used in children and teens, I feel that have greater appeal to adults.
- Round to It – ($2.99) – This simple To Do app has multiple list support, options for creating gift lists, jotting down notes, and emailing those lists. It also shows things that are overdue and upcoming. So if you have trouble with executive functioning, it makes it really simple to look at and prioritize.
- All Done! – ($1.99) – Another To Do list app. I think this is more for people who have a hard time with a lot of bright colors and getting overstimulated. I prefer the color options to Round to It, but the neutral tones with this app certainly will appeal to other users.
- Relax – ($2.99) – This one is going to be useful for those of you who get overly anxious. It gives you a scene to look at and relaxing sounds to go with it. There are a variety of options (9) for whatever scene you find relaxing. They also update it with new scenes, including accepting requests from users.
- Groceries Grocery List – ($0.99) – Probably the most ingenious app I have seen yet! This app lets you customized to your local grocery store and price! It has commonly bought groceries, gives you total cost of the groceries you need, and flags coupon or sale items. Absolutely amazing to me!
- iPrompt – (FREE) – This is more for those of you who do any speeches or presentations. It’s a teleprompter. I love this option as I tend to shuffle and shake pages when I try to speak. So having this as an option is rather nice. It even has the option to control the speed at which your text scrolls, so no shuffling or pushing your pages to find where you’re at. Love this app, especially with as many speaking/listening sessions as I’ve attended thus far.
These are all I have for “adult only.” I’ll bring you another installment of There’s an App for That! (Everyone Edition) later this week. Hope you enjoy these!
In my last blog, I spoke of our accident, our move, and how thankful I am for what I have. But the grim reality is setting in. We have next to no money for Christmas as all the money we saved now has to go for the apartment. The move is very needed because of tension brewing within my mother’s house. With the boys both slightly regressing, my need for more therapy, and many other things, we decided it was more important to move out than to have a large Christmas.
The one thing we were hoping to get for my Daniel was an iPad or other tablet. We had already spoken to his teachers and the principal, and they all gave the thumbs up for him to bring it to school and use it as part of his program. This was a huge hurdle we managed to jump over to now have no way to provide him with the tablet.
Many of you may have read Shannon Rosa’s blog on how the iPad has helped her son Leo. As well, there’s a wealth of other articles (some chronicled on our fundraiser page) on the benefits of having an iPad as there are many applications for social skills, sensory skills and even adaptive curriculums. Most prominently known are the Augmentative and Assisted Communication apps as well. There are groups who are raising money for iPads for those with AAC needs (see Holly Rod Foundation and Danny’s Wish), but for children like Daniel, who is verbal but could use the help for transition, social and sensory needs, there is no place for families to turn.
Shannon Rosa’s latest blog suggests setting up your own fundraiser campaign. While I normally don’t like to ask other people for money, with our current situation being as it is, and how much I *know* the iPad will benefit Daniel, I have chosen to create a fundraiser. For those of us on the Spectrum, we know what technology has done for many of us. We are better connected, feel more at easy, and even more productive and independent. With the amount of apps created for those on and off the Spectrum, I know we will be giving Daniel those same tools to succeed.
Stories2Learn helps create Social Stories. iWriteWords gives a simple interface to learn to write correctly (and much in the same form as Writing without Tears). First Then Visual Schedule gives an easily recognizable visual schedule so that there is no “unknown” variable to what’s coming next. iRewardChart helps teach doing chores and creates a reward system that is fully customizable for each child’s needs. I could probably keep going for paragraph after paragraph with all the apps that have been created, but I think I will leave it at these.
If you feel you want to and CAN donate, please visit our GiveForward donation page. Or donate straight from the widget on the right side of the screen. Thank you for anyone and everyone who’s taken the time to read this, whether or not you are able to donate.
When I was first diagnosed with my many Anxiety Disorders, I felt like I was wrong, that I was crazy. I felt crazy because I couldn’t shake the anxiety feelings. I knew that anxiety was natural, and that it was just a matter of changing what I thought to make it stop. That’s what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is all about, right? It wasn’t the sum of who I was, nor is it now. It was a part of me, but not all of me. It affected my life greatly, yes, but it did not change who I was when the Anxiety wasn’t present.
But years later, when I was diagnosed with Asperger’s, it seemed to complete the equation of what I was dealing with. It explained why I saw colors when I heard music playing. It explained why I loved nothing more than to be cuddled up in a large heavy comforter. Why I didn’t like polyester or wool. It explained why I absorbed information the way I did, and also explained why it didn’t come back out correctly.
To me, the way I see the world is unique, and as Stuart Duncan pointed out, this is not any different than the way everyone sees the world. The sum of our life and experiences determines who we are, right? Well, to me, it’s not just your life and experiences, but how you perceive those and the world around you. Your perception changes everything about an experience. It determines if you get mad or sad, happy or excited, anxious or depressed. And since my brain is Autistic, my perceptions are going to be Autistic. And if my perceptions are Autistic, then Autism dictates how I experience events. And if Autism changes my experience, then I believe it means that Autism is a large part of who I am.
Our personality is determined how we perceive, interpret and react. If all of those are brain functions, and our brain is wired differently, then wouldn’t it go to say that our wiring is a large part of who we are? Or in other terms, that Autism is a large part of who I am? I think it does.
My last post was about disagreements with NTs that leave me feeling inadequate. Today, I had a great conversation with a wonderful set of moms who I don’t always agree with and who sometimes don’t agree with me. To me this is significant because it was a support & networking meeting of other parents with kids on the spectrum. I like to go because I do my utmost to show respect their view points as they often show the utmost respect to mine. I want to thank them for this because in the Autism community, as we all know, there are so many sides, that if there is constant in-fighting, we never can show others what we all know.
So today, I want to address the people who don’t always show that respect, for whatever reason. I’m doing this because I’ve been trying to pinpoint for so long what it is that causes these rifts among our groups.
- I am not disagreeing with you because I don’t care. In fact, we all very much care about the future for ourselves and our children. If we did not, then we would not be so involved. The people who do not care so much are not the ones present, but those who remain outside the circle for whatever reason. I care so much about the future of those with Autism because I have been where they are at now, and do not want to see the heartache in their lives that I experienced in mine. I was homeless. I dropped out of college. I became a single pregnant woman. I went in and out of mental wards. And I have 2 years of my adult life that I don’t remember over the 11-12 yrs of my childhood that I have no memory of. I have been there, done that, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen to a single other person. I don’t talk about these things because they are hard memories (or sometimes the lack thereof) to handle. But if you were in my position, having gone through what I’ve gone through, wouldn’t you do the same thing?
- I am not arguing with you because I like to argue. I hate arguing. It’s emotionally, mentally and physically draining. I argue for the greater good, because I feel all the pain and suffering I go through arguing, if I can make one person understand, I have done my job. My husband has had to cradle me in his arms on numerous occasions because I literally cannot handle the after affects of these disagreements. If I had no support, I would be in a ball in a corner, but I’m lucky to have what so many others like me don’t have. Support. I wish I could thank my husband enough for what he gives me. And I know that this doesn’t excuse the arguing. In fact, if I knew how to, I’d stop the arguments. I just don’t have that, and as much as I try to learn that skill, it’s just not there yet.
- Be understanding that I don’t have your theory of mind. If you can forgive your own child’s differences and difficulties, please try to do the same to me. I know how difficult that is as we all try to fight with professionals, and teachers, and administrators each day to make them understand our children’s invisible disability. It’s hard to look past my typing and demeanor, my physical appearance of togetherness, to see that there is a disability in there. I stay in my comfort zone, where I know that with the supports I have in place, we can pick up the pieces.
- Please don’t tell me what path I should take with my kids. We are all different, and we all do our best. I’d especially like to ask that you don’t keep telling me what path to take when you can see my path is working for my kids. I chose the path I did because of what I said in #1. If you would like to understand more about what we do each day for my two boys, and can see the progress they have made, please do ask. If you chose not to take that path, that is fine. But in the end, your path is not working like you expected, please refer back to #3. I cannot understand why you continue to tell me to chose a different one, when my path is working and yours isn’t. I’m not saying you’re not doing enough, or that you need to switch to my path, I’m just suggesting you look at what you’re doing to figure out why it isn’t working.
- Helping Autism is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Someone I know keeps using this phrase, and I keep picking it up. But it really is. The needs of an Autistic individual are always changing, and you need to keep looking at what you’re doing so that you can change accordingly. If your path (#4) isn’t working, find people who HAVE been successful on your path and get their feedback. I know that this is not what I’m ‘supposed’ to say. I’d much rather everyone take my non-evasive way, yes. But if you chose not to, there are those who have been where you are, and have had children come out on the other side with good, great or brilliant results. Find those people. They can help guide you on your road. And if at once you don’t succeed, try try again. But always remember, the sign of insanity is doing the same thing the same way every time and expecting a different result.
I hope this has helped some of you understand me. And for those who are parents on the Spectrum, I do apologize that this was not as useful to you as it was to those from the outside looking in.
When I first left for college, I thought things would be great. Then I moved in with my first roommate who scared and intimidated me beyond belief. We rarely had a working relationship, even when it came to bills. By the end of the first semester, she had found a new roommate, had me transfer all the bills into my name, and left. What I didn’t know is that nothing had been paid. And as my parents had just been foreclosed on, I had no where to turn. Such started my bad credit streak.
This was a hard time in my life, and because I was unable to keep stable employment, or even stay stable enough for classes. By the end of my first year, I was homeless, on academic probation, and hopelessly falling into extreme anxiety. By the end of my second year, I had had several trips to ERs and Psych wards from dissociations and my actions during them. This is not something I normally share, but I think there’s important things to learn from my experiences.
Having married a wonderful man, who also had a period of bad financial times, we are now working tirelessly, on one income, to try to correct our mistakes. It’s difficult to do, or should I say impossible to do. I’ve finally decided my husband is right, the debt is too great for our meager income. And with no possible break, we are going to do something I’ve dreaded. In the end, our credit will be no better, but we will have much more plausible chance to rebuild from here and actually find a place of our own.
But what lessons have I learned?
1. I cannot do things by myself. I have to rely on support, both mentally and physically. What lead me to such a dark place before is that I didn’t have a good support structure around me.
2. I need to always realize it’s okay to ask for help. If I had done this sooner when I was younger, I probably could have gotten a lot more help. I waited, and I don’t want anyone else to wait if they feel they can’t do something. In some cases, it could truly mean life or death.
3. I have to accept what has happened. If I cannot accept the choices (and nonchoices) I have made, then I cannot move forward. I have been able to do this with some things, but not so much with others. I am working on it though.
