When I first left for college, I thought things would be great. Then I moved in with my first roommate who scared and intimidated me beyond belief. We rarely had a working relationship, even when it came to bills. By the end of the first semester, she had found a new roommate, had me transfer all the bills into my name, and left. What I didn’t know is that nothing had been paid. And as my parents had just been foreclosed on, I had no where to turn. Such started my bad credit streak.

This was a hard time in my life, and because I was unable to keep stable employment, or even stay stable enough for classes. By the end of my first year, I was homeless, on academic probation, and hopelessly falling into extreme anxiety. By the end of my second year, I had had several trips to ERs and Psych wards from dissociations and my actions during them. This is not something I normally share, but I think there’s important things to learn from my experiences.

Having married a wonderful man, who also had a period of bad financial times, we are now working tirelessly, on one income, to try to correct our mistakes. It’s difficult to do, or should I say impossible to do. I’ve finally decided my husband is right, the debt is too great for our meager income. And with no possible break, we are going to do something I’ve dreaded. In the end, our credit will be no better, but we will have much more plausible chance to rebuild from here and actually find a place of our own.

But what lessons have I learned?

1. I cannot do things by myself. I have to rely on support, both mentally and physically. What lead me to such a dark place before is that I didn’t have a good support structure around me.

2. I need to always realize it’s okay to ask for help. If I had done this sooner when I was younger, I probably could have gotten a lot more help. I waited, and I don’t want anyone else to wait if they feel they can’t do something. In some cases, it could truly mean life or death.

3. I have to accept what has happened. If I cannot accept the choices (and nonchoices) I have made, then I cannot move forward. I have been able to do this with some things, but not so much with others. I am working on it though.

We’re quickly approaching the first day of school. My 6 yr old is very excited as he gets his favorite 1st grade teacher. My 5 yr old is just excited to go to the big school. Both are ready and we have all their supplies. With that out of the way, I’ve been focusing on life after school starts.

My ASAN chapter is growing and we’re getting ready for our 6 meeting next week. I created a Meetup group for the chapter and have found new members because of it. As exciting as that is, I’m also focusing on our stretch to the 2011 State Legislative session. I will be working on getting a single word changed in the Health and Human Services bill.

Sec. 593.003. REQUIREMENT OF DETERMINATION OF MENTAL RETARDATION. (a) Except as provided by Sections 593.027, 593.0275, and 593.028, a person is not eligible to receive mental retardation services unless the person first is determined to have mental retardation.

(b) This section does not apply to an eligible child with a developmental disability receiving services under Subchapter A, Chapter 535.

It is definitely an exciting year coming up, but I recently had to change medication. When I was on this one previously, I gained 50 lbs over the course of 6 months. With that in mind, I want to start eating better and taking care of my body. I’m not happy with my shape. And I found that it’s easier for me to change several things at once rather than staggering the change.

When I change things several times over the course of several months, I have a much higher incidence of meltdown. So I have learned to if I do all the changes at once, it’s still only as taxing as changing one thing.

So I have joined SparkPeople. My husband and I decided meal plan for the next week. I’ve put in what my fitness goals are. I’m hoping to feel rejuvenated. But knowing I will need to go to a gym, I’m trying to figure out a sensory diet to help keep me relaxed. I’ll be doing Yoga and Pilates at the gym, so that should help quite a bit. I’m getting a big ball to help me do exercises at home. But what can I do to help me decompress? I haven’t come up with anything, but thought maybe everyone reading could help.

How do you allow yourself the sensory experience to help relax?