Explaining. Perception.
Today, I came across a casualty of ‘Autism is evil.’ campaigns. My oldest, who is more affected by Autism, was invited to a birthday party of his classmates. It’s a huge step forward that parents and kids alike are able to invite him knowing his differences. He even was withdrawn, sprawling and very noticeably upset within 5 minutes of coming in, but my little guy just wanted to stay. We stayed.
Parents avoided our gaze, for the most part. Not those that have come to know our family, but some of the others. I tried to keep him away from others because he was flailing and I didn’t want anyone, including him, to get hurt. Every so often, he would rejoin his classmates/friends for a little while.
The older brother of the birthday girl (here forward pseudonym ‘John’ will be used) was very interested and kept trying to talk to myself and my kiddo. He reassured me. He reassured my boy. After a little while, I decided to go ahead and tell him that Daniel has Autism. We haven’t put a word to it with the boys yet because within our household, they are pretty ‘typical’. John said in an instant, ‘I thought so after he came inside the house.’
John went on to explain the horrible things that Autism does. He was describing a boy he knew at school. And by the sounds of it, the boy he was describing was non-verbal and possibly violent. He didn’t seem to feel the same way about his classmate as he did about my son. After a little while, I told him I have a lot of the same problems, but with age have overcome them.
He was instantly confused, I think. He started asking me questions about how I overcame it. What was it like to be Autistic? How did you overcome it? I tried to explain that large crowds still are difficult, and that for some issues I have to take medicine. But this little boy, no older than 11-12, had never heard of being able to help some of the disabling aspects of Autism. In an instant explaining I had Autistic characteristics, it was like his world changed. I was there, with my Autistic son, being Autistic myself.
The part about this that is most complicated, how do we change the perception of these kids? When adults, parents, are showing them the ‘bad’ parts of Autism, that is what they’re learning. We may be combating the parents, but I think we also need to help these NT kids understand Autism isn’t a bad thing. We will be fighting against this message for generations to come because they don’t hear anything else.
We need to keep doing what we’re doing… and movies like Temple Grandin’s may help, but when big organizations like Autism Speaks and others teach people that our condition is something terrible, it’s like they put a wall up in our path. Not only that, but those who insist it can be cured make people think that we should be medicated or otherwise “in treatment” to get rid of our Autism… and that is also counterproductive.
We need PSAs and movies about the positive side of Autism. People are not allowed to discriminate or mistreat people of other races or sexual orientation, and they should not be allowed to discriminate against, bully and mistreat us, either.
Basically, what we are doing is fighting a war against ignorance and misconceptions.
While this example illustrates that we have a way to go, it also shows us there is much to build on, and that children (both AS and NT) are wonderful gifts.
While John may have had an understanding of Autism that included “horrible things”, and he had a hunch that your son had Autism, he was still reassuring to you and your son. He was not scared. He was interested. His interaction with you increased his awareness and understanding of Autism. I imagine the next time he sees someone who he believes has Autism he will think of more than just the “horrible things that Autism does”.
Sometimes I think people really do want to know – they just don’t know how to ask. Good for John that he had the courage to ask. Good for you that you had the courage to tell.
I call it Autism Mythbusting. I just educate wherever I go. I think it is easier for me as a physician and mom, people listen to me better and believe me when I tell them about how different each person on the spectrum is. I also can easily explain the medical side of things, such as that autism is not mercury poisoning ;0) As well as the fact that there are a LOT of older people on the spectrum who have not had an explanation for how they think and why they do what they do until they happen to find out about autism. I have found pretty much everyone to be very receptive and have a lot of questions. I want them to see that autistics are individuals like anyone else. They have the same feelings, desires, and needs for the most part that anyone else has. Nothing to be afraid about.