Do those of you with Autism and parenting find yourself not meeting the 2/3 rule? I’ve been attending a support group for parents with Asperger’s kids and for adults with Asperger’s. It has been stated more than once that maturity level of people with Asperger’s is 2/3 their chronological age. I’m 27 now, so I according to this rule should have the maturity of someone that’s 18.

Now, without a doubt, I have met people that meet this rule. I just find myself not. Then again, I don’t think it has anything to do with neurology. I know some people I went to college with that are still maturity wise at a 20 yr level. I attribute a lot of it to the fact that I have kids. My own instinct was to mature with the birth of each of my children. This does not hold true for everyone. Again, I know someone who has a child that doesn’t have maturity.

Also, does being articulate change your perceived maturity level? I was complimented that I am one of the most understandable of the ‘Aspies’ that attend this support group. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that I am raising Autistic children. So I can understand where the parents are coming from as well as the adults in the group. Have any of you witnessed this phenomenon? Especially those of you raising Autistic kids as well?

I think the 2/3 Rule is very subjective though. It really depends on the circumstances with your life.

I have connected the website to Facebook via Facebook Connect. For those that choose to, you can connect your current screenname to your Facebook account. This is not mandatory, but instead gives you a little more functionality. Hope you enjoy. I’m also setting up a Facebook fan page so you can become a fan. This is purely for publicity sake, so you do not need to add if you don’t want.

When I get the chance, I will see if I can connect to Google Buzz for those that are interested in that as well. I do have a current Buzz page set up for my private use that our twitter site is linked with. But it might be nice to have all social domains covered (except for MySpace because I loathe MySpace).

As most are aware now, DSM-V proposed changes were released today. I’ve had a chance to look over the criteria changes for Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Autism Spectrum Disorder

Must meet criteria 1, 2, and 3:

1. Clinically significant, persistent deficits in social communication and interactions, as manifest by all of the following:

a. Marked deficits in nonverbal and verbal communication used for social interaction:
b. Lack of social reciprocity;
c. Failure to develop and maintain peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

2. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least TWO of the following:

a. Stereotyped motor or verbal behaviors, or unusual sensory behaviors
b. Excessive adherence to routines and ritualized patterns of behavior
c. Restricted, fixated interests

3. Symptoms must be present in early childhood (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities)

I look at this from both an adult stand point and a parent stand point. My primary concern is with Criteria 1b. Social reciprocity can often be for children not noticeable until later in years. This can possibly lead to a lower rate of diagnosis in those children in the early years. I suspect though, that most children that don’t show the difference are probably not diagnosed until later at this point anyways.

But as an adult, I know the rules of social reciprocity. If someone does something nice for me, I must do something back. If someone compliments me, I should also compliment them. I can perform these responses. Whether or not they are learned or out of genuine feelings is where the problem lies. As an adult that didn’t get diagnosed until I was an adult, I can see where other adults that may seek a diagnosis would fall through the cracks on this one. Many of us have learned and adapted our skills, but still have other areas of concern.

I can honestly say I have a hard time making and keeping friends. Only those that have stuck by me out of sheer determination from their point of view are the ones I keep. When I try to keep track of friendships, I ultimately fail. And again with the 1a, I know there are times when I miss nonverbal cues. It’s the idea that you have to meet all 3 that is troubling to me. Especially since it’s all speculation on the part of the diagnosing party whether this is a learned response or a genuine feeling.

However, I am very happy to see the addition of Sensory behaviors added. My youngest certainly doesn’t do any of the stereotyped behaviors any more, but has more than enough sensory behaviors to make up for it. This addition I think will help a lot of parents that are on the fence. Not seeing the spinning or flapping hands no longer means that you ‘might’ have a child with Autism.

Today, I came across a casualty of ‘Autism is evil.’ campaigns. My oldest, who is more affected by Autism, was invited to a birthday party of his classmates. It’s a huge step forward that parents and kids alike are able to invite him knowing his differences. He even was withdrawn, sprawling and very noticeably upset within 5 minutes of coming in, but my little guy just wanted to stay. We stayed.

Parents avoided our gaze, for the most part. Not those that have come to know our family, but some of the others. I tried to keep him away from others because he was flailing and I didn’t want anyone, including him, to get hurt. Every so often, he would rejoin his classmates/friends for a little while.

The older brother of the birthday girl (here forward pseudonym ‘John’ will be used) was very interested and kept trying to talk to myself and my kiddo. He reassured me. He reassured my boy. After a little while, I decided to go ahead and tell him that Daniel has Autism. We haven’t put a word to it with the boys yet because within our household, they are pretty ‘typical’. John said in an instant, ‘I thought so after he came inside the house.’

John went on to explain the horrible things that Autism does. He was describing a boy he knew at school. And by the sounds of it, the boy he was describing was non-verbal and possibly violent. He didn’t seem to feel the same way about his classmate as he did about my son. After a little while, I told him I have a lot of the same problems, but with age have overcome them.

He was instantly confused, I think. He started asking me questions about how I overcame it. What was it like to be Autistic? How did you overcome it? I tried to explain that large crowds still are difficult, and that for some issues I have to take medicine. But this little boy, no older than 11-12, had never heard of being able to help some of the disabling aspects of Autism. In an instant explaining I had Autistic characteristics, it was like his world changed. I was there, with my Autistic son, being Autistic myself.

The part about this that is most complicated, how do we change the perception of these kids? When adults, parents, are showing them the ‘bad’ parts of Autism, that is what they’re learning. We may be combating the parents, but I think we also need to help these NT kids understand Autism isn’t a bad thing. We will be fighting against this message for generations to come because they don’t hear anything else.