Us and Them
I feel sad saying this, but I’m starting to think along these lines. Neurotypicals to Atypicals. Curebies to anti-cure. However you want to phrase it. I didn’t start out thinking like this, but slowly, due to feelings of rejection, I really think there are some fundamental differences.
I wanted to touch on this last night, but decided the Welcome was enough. I started to write a post, but this morning, due to a little discussion on a listserv, I’ve decided to start over. The comments were about how parents with Shadow Autism were “disrupting” the innerworkings of many Autism groups.
First, we must analyze this Shadow Autism, which I had never heard.
Definition: Autism is a spectrum disorder, meaning a person can be a little autistic or very autistic, and individuals can have varying symptoms. The term broad autism phenotype describes an even wider range of individuals who exhibit problems with personality, language and social-behavioral characteristics at a level that is considered to be higher than average but lower than is diagnosable with autism. Individuals who meet the criteria of the broad autism phenotype are identified through a test called the “Social Responsiveness Scale.”
It is theorized that parents who are a part of the broad autism phenotype are more likely than other parents to have multiple children with autism. Some studies seem to support this theory.
So the Shadow Autism just means autism-like symptoms, but not enough to diagnose. I know this does not classify us who are on the spectrum. The issue I came to today is that the particular email in question was the “push aside the feelings” attitude of the neurotypical father. We have a hard enough time understanding them and trying to make our voices heard. Then to be told our opinions on how things are handled disrupt the organizations who are trying to help is disappointing to say the least.
We need to make our voices heard to gain acceptance, but more often than not, instead of being accepted, we are seen as confrontational. We need to keep trying to understand them, but we also need to keep pushing our own agenda too. What was worse was the response to this email that we are all working to the same goal.
Our goal is acceptance whereas theirs is one of conformity. And so here I am trying to find the way we can all work together without falling apart. Us and them together as one when there is such dissention. We have a long way, but I’m sure there is a way.
I’m brand new here. I was directed this way by a post on ABFH’s blog. I 56 yo a self Dx’d Aspie with two aspie sons 15 and 9, and my first response to those who find “Shadow Autistics” disruptive is a bit of FU. But not sos I’d actually say that. The thing is frequently I act as interpreter for my sons and My wife (who may be shadow). I would think that to exclude Shadow Autistics or Austistics is to exclude a vital resource.
I mean a Vital resource, not just valuable, NT’s really don’t understand spectrum kids and spectrum kids don;t know haw to talk to them. Specturm adults are not all that good but we’ve had a life time to learn a little bit.
Heck if you find specturm adults hard to deal with how can you deal with spectrum kids, except with operant conditioning, skinner boxes anybody?
I’m certainly glad you found your way here! I didn’t even think about it the way you ended. How do they handle their own children if they can’t handle those of us that are Autistic adults or Autistic-like adults?